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Of first impressions and empathy - Shailaja V default_main
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TwitCount Button
 

A while ago, I chanced upon a brilliant book. This was one of the very few non-fiction books that I could confidently label as a ‘page-turner’. Once I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down. That book was Blink, by  Malcolm Gladwell.

The premise of the book was fairly simple. The author points out how, very often, our first impressions really are the best impressions. And these don’t have to take five minutes or five seconds. They can be formed within a blink of an eye. More often than not, we don’t even realise that we have formed the impression, but the unconscious brain has registered it, for retrieval at a later date.

“We live in a world that assumes that the quality of a decision is directly related to the time and effort that went into making it…We believe that we are always better off gathering as much information as possible and spending as much time as possible in deliberation. We really only trust conscious decision making. 



 But there are moments, particularly in times of stress, when haste does not make waste, when our snap judgments and first impressions can offer a much better means of making sense of the world. The first task of Blink is to convince you of a simple fact: decisions made very quickly can be every bit as good as decisions made cautiously and deliberately.” Malcolm Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking

Why did I recall this book today? It was because of this photograph:

Source: http://www.cbc.ca/

When I saw this picture attached to this article, my first reaction was two-fold; one was awe at how fit she looked and the other, which occurred simultaneously, was one of sadness.

Why was I sad? Because of the caption.

A lot of people saw this photo. A ton of reactions poured in. Many complimented her commitment, some were openly envious of her achievement and plenty more began to attack her for being insensitive, supercilious and incapable of understanding the limitations of many mothers who couldn’t exercise for health reasons.

In response to the hate messages she received via Facebook, she gave an interview and an apology (of sorts). But it still didn’t take away the sting of what the picture had done, in the first place.

Looking at the picture in the ‘blink of an eye’, I was trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with it. If she really was inspiring mothers, as she claimed, then people shouldn’t have been offended. I enjoy being inspired. I follow many blogs and many people on twitter as well as facebook, because, what they have to say is inspiring and uplifting. Such people have actually motivated me to change myself in more ways than one.

Then, it hit me. It was the caption. ‘What’s your excuse?’

Nobody likes to be put down or spoken to, in a condescending manner. We don’t like to be made to feel inferior or worthless. I like the way one person had put it, on a parenting forum. In a nutshell, what she said was, ‘ Had this fitness expert used a statement like, “If I can do it, so can you”, then the situation would have been a whole new ballgame.’

What a wonderful statement! It’s all about perspective.

If you want people to be inspired, then INSPIRE them, don’t talk down to them.

 Empathise with them, don’t stand above them on a pedestal.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to what you are willing to do to be a part of someone’s life. Parenting is the same thing. If you want your child to respect you, respect them. Show them that the relationship is a two-way street, where you are willing to go more than just half the distance.

Comments

comments

Categories: Parenting

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Jenny Portem · October 24, 2013 at 4:28 pm

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Nice blog. You got me thinking about how I make my own impressions. It's true we tend to make first impressions fast. I also make them quite fast by reacting on how people dress, how they bring themselves, how people speak and interact with others, and how they treat others verbally and nonverbally. But when I get to know them, I make sure to be open to changing these first impressions which are obviously based on my own biases and values in life. The key is openness that will remove racism and all forms of discrimination for me. As for the photo, I actually don't have any negative meaning from it. I've seen a lot of “what's your excuse” taglines in different images and paraphrases, and I think it's a great motivator. Definitely though, it is not effective for every person. For me, I am more motivated with a visual image of a healthier and fitter self. I understand that exercise can be quite hard, but I just do my best to integrate it into my schedule in whatever way possible. Also, I don't practice dieting, though sometimes I fast. The best diet is eating healthy and staying away from processed food and fast food. That being said, I have to go back to work haha

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Kriss MacDonald · October 26, 2013 at 9:06 pm

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You hit the nail on the head about the caption. The tagline seems like it's judging others for not being fit rather than inspiring them.

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Shailaja V · October 27, 2013 at 2:52 am

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Thanks for reading and commenting, +Jenny portem!

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Shailaja V · October 27, 2013 at 4:03 am

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Thanks for reading, +Kriss! Exactly. That tone of judgement is very clear. And if it wasn't, then her 'apology'clearly sets that tone.

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John S Green · December 4, 2013 at 1:37 am

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“Blink” was an excellent book on instinct. I met my wife speed dating where you have 5 minutes to talk, then switch tables. People are astounded as to the short period. I like to respond, “well, often the 5 minutes goes so fast, but sometimes after 5 seconds you know, and then the last 4 minutes and 55 seconds go so slowly!

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Shailaja V · December 4, 2013 at 4:15 am

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What a lovely story! I have to agree with you on the first few seconds. Although, technically, when you really like the person and want to talk a lot, don't you find that time moves too fast?;)

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    [enable_keywordname] => no
    [enable_replyme] => no
)
default_main
Array
(
    [enable_commentluv] => no
    [enable_twitterlink] => no
    [enable_gasp] => no
    [enable_keywordname] => no
    [enable_replyme] => no
)
default_commentluv
Array
(
    [version] => 3.1
    [enable] => yes
    [enable_for] => both
    [default_on] => on
    [default_on_admin] => on
    [badge_choice] => drop_down
    [badge_type] => default_image
    [link] => on
    [link_url] => https://comluvplugin.com
    [infopanel] => on
    [infoback] => white
    [infotext] => black
    [show_icons] => on
    [icon_tooltip_text] => I clicked the [type] button when I commented
    [comment_text] => [name] recently posted...[lastpost]
    [whogets] => registered
    [dofollow] => registered
    [unreg_user_text] => If you make [need] comments on this site then you can see 10 of your most recent blog posts to choose from in this box. You have made [made] approved comments on this site so far.
    [unreg_user_text_panel] => This user is not registered to my site. If they had, they would get 10 posts to choose from and you would be able to see their description and a list of their recent posts in this panel
    [show_register_message] => off
    [register_message] => You get more posts to choose from if you register to my site [register_link]
    [register_link_text] => Register Here
    [register_url] => https://shailajav.com/wp-login.php?action=register
    [enable_entice_10_everyone] => off
    [enable_entice_dofollow_everyone] => off
    [yougot_everyone] => You got more posts here because everyone does!
    [enable_entice_10_register] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_register] => off
    [yougot_logged] => You got more posts here because you are logged in
    [enable_entice_10_twitter] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_twitter] => off
    [entice_message_twitter] => <= tweet to have more posts to choose from
    [recommend] => yes
    [yougot_twitter] => You got more posts here because you tweeted the post. Thanks!
    [show_always_twitter] => on
    [always_message_twitter] => <= Spread the luv by clicking this to tweet the post
    [tweet_text] => I just left a comment on [post_title] at [blogname]
    [enable_entice_10_facebook] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_facebook] => 
    [entice_message_facebook] => <= like to have more posts to choose from
    [yougot_facebook] => You got 10 posts here because you liked the post on facebook. Thanks!
    [show_always_facebook] => on
    [always_message_facebook] => <= Spread the luv by clicking this to like this post
    [facebook_text] => Blog post at [blogname] : [excerpt]
    [enable_entice_10_comments] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_comments] => off
    [entice_comments_number] => 3
    [yougot_comments] => You got 10 posts here because you have [made] approved comments
    [disable_stylesheet] => off
    [info_description] => Parenting, Pinterest & Productivity
    [info_posts] => recent
    [homepage_comments] => off
    [static_home_query] => off
    [wait_feed_detect] => off
    [disable_detect] => off
    [hide_link_no_url] => on
    [hide_link_no_url_match] => nothing
    [template_insert] => off
    [minifying] => off
    [use_nonce] => off
    [js_nonce] => off
    [api_url] => https://shailajav.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php
    [author_name] => author
    [email_name] => email
    [url_name] => url
    [comment_name] => comment
    [s2_member_custom_field] => website
    [prevent_twitter] => off
    [prevent_facebook] => off
    [prevent_doctype] => off
    [old_luv_dofollow] => on
    [allow_jpc] => off
    [utf8] => off
)

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default_commentluv
Array
(
    [version] => 3.1
    [enable] => yes
    [enable_for] => both
    [default_on] => on
    [default_on_admin] => on
    [badge_choice] => drop_down
    [badge_type] => default_image
    [link] => on
    [link_url] => https://comluvplugin.com
    [infopanel] => on
    [infoback] => white
    [infotext] => black
    [show_icons] => on
    [icon_tooltip_text] => I clicked the [type] button when I commented
    [comment_text] => [name] recently posted...[lastpost]
    [whogets] => registered
    [dofollow] => registered
    [unreg_user_text] => If you make [need] comments on this site then you can see 10 of your most recent blog posts to choose from in this box. You have made [made] approved comments on this site so far.
    [unreg_user_text_panel] => This user is not registered to my site. If they had, they would get 10 posts to choose from and you would be able to see their description and a list of their recent posts in this panel
    [show_register_message] => off
    [register_message] => You get more posts to choose from if you register to my site [register_link]
    [register_link_text] => Register Here
    [register_url] => https://shailajav.com/wp-login.php?action=register
    [enable_entice_10_everyone] => off
    [enable_entice_dofollow_everyone] => off
    [yougot_everyone] => You got more posts here because everyone does!
    [enable_entice_10_register] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_register] => off
    [yougot_logged] => You got more posts here because you are logged in
    [enable_entice_10_twitter] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_twitter] => off
    [entice_message_twitter] => <= tweet to have more posts to choose from
    [recommend] => yes
    [yougot_twitter] => You got more posts here because you tweeted the post. Thanks!
    [show_always_twitter] => on
    [always_message_twitter] => <= Spread the luv by clicking this to tweet the post
    [tweet_text] => I just left a comment on [post_title] at [blogname]
    [enable_entice_10_facebook] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_facebook] => 
    [entice_message_facebook] => <= like to have more posts to choose from
    [yougot_facebook] => You got 10 posts here because you liked the post on facebook. Thanks!
    [show_always_facebook] => on
    [always_message_facebook] => <= Spread the luv by clicking this to like this post
    [facebook_text] => Blog post at [blogname] : [excerpt]
    [enable_entice_10_comments] => on
    [enable_entice_dofollow_comments] => off
    [entice_comments_number] => 3
    [yougot_comments] => You got 10 posts here because you have [made] approved comments
    [disable_stylesheet] => off
    [info_description] => Parenting, Pinterest & Productivity
    [info_posts] => recent
    [homepage_comments] => off
    [static_home_query] => off
    [wait_feed_detect] => off
    [disable_detect] => off
    [hide_link_no_url] => on
    [hide_link_no_url_match] => nothing
    [template_insert] => off
    [minifying] => off
    [use_nonce] => off
    [js_nonce] => off
    [api_url] => https://shailajav.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php
    [author_name] => author
    [email_name] => email
    [url_name] => url
    [comment_name] => comment
    [s2_member_custom_field] => website
    [prevent_twitter] => off
    [prevent_facebook] => off
    [prevent_doctype] => off
    [old_luv_dofollow] => on
    [allow_jpc] => off
    [utf8] => off
)
error: Content is protected !!