Six crazy things I have done as a Parent

Six crazy things I have done as a Parent

They say being a parent changes you. They say you become more understanding, more considerate, more willing to forgive others’ faults.

What they don’t say is how you can turn very easily into a weird, maniacal, crazy freak who does things that you would never have seen yourself doing before parenthood hit you squarely between the eyes!

6 Crazy things I have done as a new parent! #Parenting #humour Click to Tweet

In random order, here are things I (and at times, V) have done, after being anointed parents!

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Crazy things! We've all done them. But which of these have you done as a parent? I bet you haven't thought about it. #Parenting comes with its own #humour.

Ironed a thick, woollen blanket

Yes, I said it. And you read it. It was a particularly cold night and the three blankets on the bed just didn’t cut it for V. Nothing was warm enough for his darling daughter. So, he took out the iron and
heated up that fourth blanket, till it was close to a furnace. Suffice to say, she didn’t disturb me that night.

But the ironing stopped after a week. No way was I going to do it night after night!

Perfected the ‘Sit-up-and-sleep’ Pose:

Gy was the nightly insomniac for the first year of her life. She would not sleep. She wouldn’t cry or nurse or yell or scream, but she wouldn’t sleep! And she didn’t like me sleeping either. All I had to do was lie down and magically, she would be on top of me, her hands on my face, her feet in my hair, until I literally could not stay supine much longer.

So, I did the next best thing. Started sleeping while sitting up. After a while, it gets easier and you start understanding that sleep is for wimps!

Ran the fifty-yard sprint in record time

 Anyone who knows me, or even knows a tiny bit about me would tell you that I don’t run. I have nothing against it, mind you. I am perfectly content watching other people run and get those enviable, toned thighs and calves. But, I don’t run. Period.

All that changed when Gy started school. And then, it was running all the way. Everyday. All the time. Of course, most times, it was a casual, ambulatory jog. Other times, it was a brisk, fast-paced trot.
But, there are times I have sprinted. Yes, all *** pounds of my fleshy being have dashed across the grassy knolls of our apartment, covering the distance between the gate and the school bus. And, why? She would have forgotten an assignment at home. In the three hundred seconds between my rushing back to get it and racing to get it to her on the bus, you would think I’d have burnt all the fat in my thighs, but no such luck!

Used a hairdryer to clean shoes

Ah, the old ‘use-the hairdryer-to- get-toasty-shoes’ trick. What!??! You haven’t heard of it?

Obviously, you have never had a kid who has stepped straight into dog poo. And had it stuck to the bottom of the shoe like super glue. And watched it go down the drain as you hosed it down using a hand-held shower!

So, drying out those canvas shoes in the hot afternoon sun should suffice, right? Wrong! What you get are squeaky clean, but extremely cold, moist shoes. And at, 6.45 am, with less than ten minutes on the clock and the bus stop calling your name, you ask Ingenuity to lend a helping hand. A quick blast with the setting at ‘So-hot-it- will-burn-you’, the hairdryer will give you those warm shoes you desire.

I will not be held responsible for frayed shoes, broken down due to heat 😉

Sung into a karaoke machine

For somebody who has sung in public, this should be a cakewalk. Um… think again. I typically steer clear of karaoke machines, because my voice will almost invariably not match the pitch and frequency of the original singer. Singing into a machine like that, with about 500 strangers staring at you, wondering if you have your head screwed on right, is not something I would recommend.

But, I have done it. Why, you ask? Well, it was a move to encourage Gy to shed her inhibitions. At a public fair, one of the stalls had set up a machine for kids and asked passing children to step up and render their skills. I do wish most of them hadn’t 😉 Being the doting mom, I wanted Gy to do it. She flatly refused, eyeing the whole set up with suspicion. All this at the age of 5 seems unwarranted, I say 😉 Then, V had a brainwave. He said I should sing and Gy would follow suit.

Has a child watched you unblinkingly, with expectation? You can’t refuse those puppy eyes, dang it all! And so, I sang. Thankfully, Gy followed suit. And my rendition stays a memory, buried deep in my subconscious.

Soaked up stuff with talcum powder

Any parent would understand that ‘stuff’ is a euphemism for any kind of ‘ accident’ that children are prone to, especially in the potty- training stage. Oh, I was clever. When Gy was growing up, we had only rexine furniture, which could be wiped down squeaky clean. Floors were easy to swab, in any case.

But, there was one important spot I had overlooked. Those soft, cushiony mattresses, capable of absorbing fluid at lightning speed. So, what did I do? I used talcum powder to blanket the area and cover the smell.

Don’t tell me you haven’t done it, because I know you’re lying!

Okay, granted that some of these things aren’t crazy, but they certainly qualify as weird. Don’t take my word for it; ask any mom who has spent eight hours of enforced insomnia or any dad who has played a pretend pony for seventeen hours straight!

I’m pretty sure there’s a handbook out there somewhere that tells us why we should think long and hard before we leap headlong into parenting. Remind me to go out and buy myself a copy and read it now in hindsight. In the bargain, maybe I should get five extra ones to distribute to unsuspecting newbie parents too!

{All pictures used here are courtesy Shutterstock}

Feel free to share your crazy moments in the comments below 🙂 I would love to read them!


Linking this to Yeah Write Moonshine # 150. Click here to read more wonderful entries



54 thoughts on “Six crazy things I have done as a Parent

  1. Stood in line in a grocery store, swaying and gently rocking my baby – till I realized the baby was in the car with my husband! Pretended to be a choo-choo train every night. Convinced the boys I was an alien, and since they had alien genes, they needed to eat greens. Burnt chocolate bars to see how they would taste. Sat in a machaan and hunted elephants – in my garden.

  2. I am laughing my head off! I've done everything (still do) except sing karaoke! My craziest moments were when V worked haldi and kumkum into his hair (washable) and on to the cotton mattress (not washable). Ok there's a whole list…. but I won't write it here. Loved the post, Shailaja! I think it is really unfair that the pounds don't melt with all this activity! 😀

  3. Lol Shailaja! Loved the post…yes u r right…sleep is for wimps…we mothers have conquered that mundane wasted overrated requirement! So much every mother's story…beautifully written!

  4. Hey Shailja… Liked your reply somewhere when you said… that you was a very well-behaved child…sigh same here.. my Mum would have never needed any of these crazy ideas!!! as I was seriously SO good 😀 and my kids… God ..I am embarrassed enough to mention the things I have done including the talcum powder and the sprint thing …
    visit my space when you get time from the tiny tot/s…

    Happy mommying 🙂 Love Kokila.

  5. Oh the things we do for our children! I have done the hair dryer shoe thing and the ironing of blanket 🙂 Once my daughter had chewing gum in her hair and I had to literally chop off a few locks of her hair in desperation 🙂 Great post, enjoyed reading it.

  6. Sulekkha, you're kidding! You mean I can't patent the 'shoe hairdryer' idea? Ouch, chopping off the hair must have been painful for you to do 🙁 Thanks for the compliment 🙂

  7. This post is such a laugh 😀 My mother once gave me (I was 5) a bath in ice cold water in a hotel because she couldn't regulate the hot and cold taps. The temperature that day was below freezing. Then, feeling very guilty and worried my parents ironed blankets while I sat on a radiator rolled up in the room's thick curtains!

  8. This was hilarious! I was trying to imagine you running to and from the bus stop, carrying stuff for Gy. Yeah, I have done some crazy things since my nephews arrived, but not as many as their mommies have done! Oh yes, but I have surely done crazier stuff when Chikoo was with me. And, it continues now, too, with Cookie. Like, kissing her bum so she feels good! 😛 hehehe..what to do? They are our babies, no? 😛
    Shilpa Gupte recently posted A food fable from my childhood memories. GuestPost by Shalzmojo.My Profile

  9. I have done a few of those and then some I used to carry my infant son in my arms and race to the bus stop with my hyperactive daughter. These precious memories make me smile now but back then it was no laughing matter 🙂 Once a parent, there’s no holding back then. We go to any lengths to make our children happy. Loved your beautiful post, Shailaja. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  10. I have done the drying with hair dryer thing and I thought it was perfectly reasonable to do it. Wasn’t it? 😀 And of course, the sit and sleep pose.
    I remember one of your post talking about letting the child bear the consequences of forgetting to pack important stuff in the school bag in order to become responsible. The point on sprinting reminds me of the promise to never run back and forth for forgotten things.
    This post gives me the idea of coming up with weird facts about me as an individual and as a mother for tomorrow’s Monday Musings. Thanks for inspiring 🙂
    Anamika Agnihotri recently posted We are learning to write #ThrowbackThursdayMy Profile

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