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They say being a parent changes you. They say you become more understanding, more considerate, more willing to forgive others’ faults.

What they don’t say is how you can turn very easily into a weird, maniacal, crazy freak who does things that you would never have seen yourself doing before parenthood hit you squarely between the eyes!

6 Crazy things I have done as a new parent! #Parenting #humour Click to Tweet

In random order, here are things I (and at times, V) have done, after being anointed parents!

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Crazy things! We've all done them. But which of these have you done as a parent? I bet you haven't thought about it. #Parenting comes with its own #humour.

Ironed a thick, woollen blanket

Yes, I said it. And you read it. It was a particularly cold night and the three blankets on the bed just didn’t cut it for V. Nothing was warm enough for his darling daughter. So, he took out the iron and
heated up that fourth blanket, till it was close to a furnace. Suffice to say, she didn’t disturb me that night.

But the ironing stopped after a week. No way was I going to do it night after night!

Perfected the ‘Sit-up-and-sleep’ Pose:

Gy was the nightly insomniac for the first year of her life. She would not sleep. She wouldn’t cry or nurse or yell or scream, but she wouldn’t sleep! And she didn’t like me sleeping either. All I had to do was lie down and magically, she would be on top of me, her hands on my face, her feet in my hair, until I literally could not stay supine much longer.

So, I did the next best thing. Started sleeping while sitting up. After a while, it gets easier and you start understanding that sleep is for wimps!

Ran the fifty-yard sprint in record time

 Anyone who knows me, or even knows a tiny bit about me would tell you that I don’t run. I have nothing against it, mind you. I am perfectly content watching other people run and get those enviable, toned thighs and calves. But, I don’t run. Period.

All that changed when Gy started school. And then, it was running all the way. Everyday. All the time. Of course, most times, it was a casual, ambulatory jog. Other times, it was a brisk, fast-paced trot.
 
But, there are times I have sprinted. Yes, all *** pounds of my fleshy being have dashed across the grassy knolls of our apartment, covering the distance between the gate and the school bus. And, why? She would have forgotten an assignment at home. In the three hundred seconds between my rushing back to get it and racing to get it to her on the bus, you would think I’d have burnt all the fat in my thighs, but no such luck!

Used a hairdryer to clean shoes

Ah, the old ‘use-the hairdryer-to- get-toasty-shoes’ trick. What!??! You haven’t heard of it?

Obviously, you have never had a kid who has stepped straight into dog poo. And had it stuck to the bottom of the shoe like super glue. And watched it go down the drain as you hosed it down using a hand-held shower!

So, drying out those canvas shoes in the hot afternoon sun should suffice, right? Wrong! What you get are squeaky clean, but extremely cold, moist shoes. And at, 6.45 am, with less than ten minutes on the clock and the bus stop calling your name, you ask Ingenuity to lend a helping hand. A quick blast with the setting at ‘So-hot-it- will-burn-you’, the hairdryer will give you those warm shoes you desire.

I will not be held responsible for frayed shoes, broken down due to heat 😉

Sung into a karaoke machine

For somebody who has sung in public, this should be a cakewalk. Um… think again. I typically steer clear of karaoke machines, because my voice will almost invariably not match the pitch and frequency of the original singer. Singing into a machine like that, with about 500 strangers staring at you, wondering if you have your head screwed on right, is not something I would recommend.

But, I have done it. Why, you ask? Well, it was a move to encourage Gy to shed her inhibitions. At a public fair, one of the stalls had set up a machine for kids and asked passing children to step up and render their skills. I do wish most of them hadn’t 😉 Being the doting mom, I wanted Gy to do it. She flatly refused, eyeing the whole set up with suspicion. All this at the age of 5 seems unwarranted, I say 😉 Then, V had a brainwave. He said I should sing and Gy would follow suit.

Has a child watched you unblinkingly, with expectation? You can’t refuse those puppy eyes, dang it all! And so, I sang. Thankfully, Gy followed suit. And my rendition stays a memory, buried deep in my subconscious.

Soaked up stuff with talcum powder

Any parent would understand that ‘stuff’ is a euphemism for any kind of ‘ accident’ that children are prone to, especially in the potty- training stage. Oh, I was clever. When Gy was growing up, we had only rexine furniture, which could be wiped down squeaky clean. Floors were easy to swab, in any case.

But, there was one important spot I had overlooked. Those soft, cushiony mattresses, capable of absorbing fluid at lightning speed. So, what did I do? I used talcum powder to blanket the area and cover the smell.

Don’t tell me you haven’t done it, because I know you’re lying!

Okay, granted that some of these things aren’t crazy, but they certainly qualify as weird. Don’t take my word for it; ask any mom who has spent eight hours of enforced insomnia or any dad who has played a pretend pony for seventeen hours straight!

I’m pretty sure there’s a handbook out there somewhere that tells us why we should think long and hard before we leap headlong into parenting. Remind me to go out and buy myself a copy and read it now in hindsight. In the bargain, maybe I should get five extra ones to distribute to unsuspecting newbie parents too!

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{All pictures used here are courtesy Shutterstock}

Feel free to share your crazy moments in the comments below 🙂 I would love to read them!

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Linking this to Yeah Write Moonshine # 150. Click here to read more wonderful entries




Comments

comments


54 Comments

Aparna · February 26, 2014 at 6:17 am

LOL Shailaja.. I'll have to apply my mind to this topic, definitely brings back memories :). Loved reading your list, and the sprint? Haven't we all ;)?

Sowmya krishna · February 26, 2014 at 6:34 am

LOLZ.. was amazed to realise that I did most of it myself too 🙂 Lovely post Shailaja

Ravina · February 26, 2014 at 6:51 am

loved it and yes i admit.. i have done most of it..awesum read

Shilpa Garg · February 26, 2014 at 8:07 am

LOL 😀 Enjoyed reading this, Shailaja. What all we do as parents!! 🙂 I have dried white PT shoes with hair dryer. 😛

Rajlakshmi · February 26, 2014 at 8:42 am

Rofl I usef to dry my clothes with hair dryer during winter so u r not alone… This was a fun read. Seems Gy knows how to keep her mum on toes

sumanbolar · February 26, 2014 at 9:21 am

Stood in line in a grocery store, swaying and gently rocking my baby – till I realized the baby was in the car with my husband! Pretended to be a choo-choo train every night. Convinced the boys I was an alien, and since they had alien genes, they needed to eat greens. Burnt chocolate bars to see how they would taste. Sat in a machaan and hunted elephants – in my garden.

Karen Bell · February 26, 2014 at 12:22 pm

Lol! Fab! Not heard of the hair dryer on the shoes before…..might have to try it 😉

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 3:50 pm

Yes, the sprint! And please write your list. I am sure it will be doubly hilarious 😉

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 3:50 pm

Thank you, Sowmya! Very happy that you enjoyed it!

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 4:54 pm

Suman, mine seem tame compared to your moments! Alien indeed 😀 What a lovely list!

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Glad I am not sailing alone in this boat, Ravina 🙂

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 5:03 pm

Thanks Shilpa! Ah, so I wasn't the first then 😉

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 5:03 pm

Sigh… yes, she does. Although she doesn't do it on purpose, bless her little heart 🙂

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 5:03 pm

Thanks for being here and commenting, Karen!

Vidya Sury · February 26, 2014 at 5:23 pm

I am laughing my head off! I've done everything (still do) except sing karaoke! My craziest moments were when V worked haldi and kumkum into his hair (washable) and on to the cotton mattress (not washable). Ok there's a whole list…. but I won't write it here. Loved the post, Shailaja! I think it is really unfair that the pounds don't melt with all this activity! 😀

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 5:29 pm

Oh God! I would have lost my mind if I had seen the cotton mattress! And yes, the ridiculous pounds do NOT move! Thanks for the comment and the lovely share, Vidya 😀

Richa Singh · February 26, 2014 at 5:37 pm

I think my mother would for one relate to each. But having said that I think all mothers everywhere would relate to these 🙂 very cute points!

Richa

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 6:05 pm

Thanks for that, Richa! I think I was a very well-behaved child, though 😉

Scattered Mama · February 26, 2014 at 6:44 pm

Lol Shailaja! Loved the post…yes u r right…sleep is for wimps…we mothers have conquered that mundane wasted overrated requirement! So much every mother's story…beautifully written!

Shailaja V · February 26, 2014 at 6:47 pm

He he he.. thank you SM! Mundane is right. No wonder I cannot sleep early even now 😉

tulika singh · February 27, 2014 at 9:44 am

Ha ha … Shailaja… hilarious. ironing a blanket? and the sprints .. lol can just imagine. I did something similar long long time back. Take a look if you have time. http://obsessivemom.blogspot.com/2010/08/before-i-was-mum.html

Shailaja V · February 27, 2014 at 1:55 pm

Sprints? You have no idea. I cut a very sorry figure, all huffing and puffing after 10 metres 😉 Loved your take too!

Kokila Gupta · February 28, 2014 at 6:26 am

Hey Shailja… Liked your reply somewhere when you said… that you was a very well-behaved child…sigh same here.. my Mum would have never needed any of these crazy ideas!!! as I was seriously SO good 😀 and my kids… God ..I am embarrassed enough to mention the things I have done including the talcum powder and the sprint thing …
visit my space when you get time from the tiny tot/s…
http://sunshineandblueclouds.blogspot.in/

Happy mommying 🙂 Love Kokila.

Shailaja V · February 28, 2014 at 4:11 pm

Thanks for stopping by, Kokila. Very happy to see you here. Gratified by your comments 🙂 I will pop by your blog too!

sulekkha · February 28, 2014 at 5:50 pm

Oh the things we do for our children! I have done the hair dryer shoe thing and the ironing of blanket 🙂 Once my daughter had chewing gum in her hair and I had to literally chop off a few locks of her hair in desperation 🙂 Great post, enjoyed reading it.

Shailaja V · February 28, 2014 at 5:54 pm

Sulekkha, you're kidding! You mean I can't patent the 'shoe hairdryer' idea? Ouch, chopping off the hair must have been painful for you to do 🙁 Thanks for the compliment 🙂

Kajal Kapur · March 1, 2014 at 2:53 am

Ha Ha, am sure these are a bit weird but with growing children in the house, i guess we all do what suits best at that time….it ma be weird as well.

Stacie · March 1, 2014 at 2:06 pm

Believe it or not, I haven't done any of those things!

Shailaja V · March 1, 2014 at 3:33 pm

All I can say is you're lucky 🙂

Shailaja V · March 1, 2014 at 3:34 pm

Absolutely Kajal 🙂

Natalie DeYoung · March 1, 2014 at 7:08 pm

Haha. I can't believe you ironed a blanket. 😉

Shailaja V · March 1, 2014 at 7:18 pm

In my defence, I never did. That was the spouse. Well, okay, I did it once 😉

aishasoasis · March 1, 2014 at 8:40 pm

This is hilarious! I will definitely have to remember that trick of ironing the blanket – great idea!

Kim @ Awkward Laughter · March 1, 2014 at 9:19 pm

Wow! Ironing a blanket. That is dedication! 🙂

psychochef · March 1, 2014 at 9:59 pm

Hahaha! I love the dog poo/hair dryer one. I'm never going to try it, because I'm too lazy, but it is pretty brilliant. xoKaren

Larks · March 2, 2014 at 4:36 am

I agree with Karen. That dog poo / hair dryer schtick is pretty genius. I'll have to remember it next time dog poop and I cross paths.

Kristin · March 2, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Definitely using the dog poo/hair dryer trick. But first I need to buy a hair dryer. 🙂

careymclaughlin · March 10, 2014 at 4:57 am

How sweet to warm a blanket with an iron. Fun topic for a post.

thebookdrifter · March 16, 2014 at 5:37 pm

This post is such a laugh 😀 My mother once gave me (I was 5) a bath in ice cold water in a hotel because she couldn't regulate the hot and cold taps. The temperature that day was below freezing. Then, feeling very guilty and worried my parents ironed blankets while I sat on a radiator rolled up in the room's thick curtains!

Shailaja V · March 16, 2014 at 5:39 pm

Looks like this ironing of blankets has occurred to more people than I'd originally imagined! You must have been freezing 😀 Thanks for stopping by 🙂

Gayathri · May 4, 2014 at 8:43 pm

Love reading this one.Waiting to meet you and the princess.

Shailaja V · May 5, 2014 at 6:53 am

Oh it will come in handy in those cold, wintry months 😉

Shailaja V · May 5, 2014 at 6:53 am

Oh you bet 😉

Shailaja V · May 5, 2014 at 6:54 am

I swear it came to me in a moment of inspiration 😉

Shailaja V · May 5, 2014 at 6:54 am

Oh it works! Tried and tested 😀

Shailaja V · May 5, 2014 at 6:54 am

Anything hot with a blast of air should do the trick 🙂

Shailaja V · May 5, 2014 at 6:55 am

Sweet? Well, that's one way of looking at it 😀

Shailaja V · May 5, 2014 at 6:56 am

Thank you Gayathri 🙂

Ritu · December 21, 2017 at 2:42 pm

Oh being a parent can make some truly strange things happen!!!

    Shailaja · December 21, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    Tell me about it 😀 Reading this now makes me giggle.

Shilpa Gupte · December 22, 2017 at 3:14 pm

This was hilarious! I was trying to imagine you running to and from the bus stop, carrying stuff for Gy. Yeah, I have done some crazy things since my nephews arrived, but not as many as their mommies have done! Oh yes, but I have surely done crazier stuff when Chikoo was with me. And, it continues now, too, with Cookie. Like, kissing her bum so she feels good! 😛 hehehe..what to do? They are our babies, no? 😛
Shilpa Gupte recently posted…A food fable from my childhood memories. GuestPost by Shalzmojo.My Profile

Sulekha · December 22, 2017 at 4:00 pm

I have done a few of those and then some I used to carry my infant son in my arms and race to the bus stop with my hyperactive daughter. These precious memories make me smile now but back then it was no laughing matter 🙂 Once a parent, there’s no holding back then. We go to any lengths to make our children happy. Loved your beautiful post, Shailaja. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Anamika Agnihotri · December 24, 2017 at 9:51 am

I have done the drying with hair dryer thing and I thought it was perfectly reasonable to do it. Wasn’t it? 😀 And of course, the sit and sleep pose.
I remember one of your post talking about letting the child bear the consequences of forgetting to pack important stuff in the school bag in order to become responsible. The point on sprinting reminds me of the promise to never run back and forth for forgotten things.
This post gives me the idea of coming up with weird facts about me as an individual and as a mother for tomorrow’s Monday Musings. Thanks for inspiring 🙂
Anamika Agnihotri recently posted…We are learning to write #ThrowbackThursdayMy Profile

Obsessivemom · December 24, 2017 at 10:24 am

I got to relive the days the kids’ childhood through your post. Those were crazy days for sure. With the teens approaching, I’m looking forward to another post Shailaja, from a mom-of-teen.
Obsessivemom recently posted…A loaf of bread and a lesson on ‘receiving’My Profile

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